Tag Archive | self-respect

A Matter of Respect: I am… Woman –Changing the Language in the Community

Respect

Aretha Franklin said it best– “R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Find out what it means to me…”  For the African American woman, the opposite often rings true.  We are constantly called every name in the book and dehumanized at every opportunity.  Sadly, we’ve been brain-washed along the way to accept the abuse and consider it to be a societal norm (a compliment) when in reality, we are slowly being stripped of our womanhood in the eyes of our men. Lingo such as “female”(used out of context) and “bitch” should be abolished from the vocabulary of the African American community.

In order for us to understand the significance of the term “female”, let’s define it:
     1.   of, relating to, or being the sex that bears young or produces eggs 
     2.   composed of members of the female sex <the female population> (2) characteristic of girls or women <composed for female voices> <a female name> (Webster dictionary)

And for chuckles let’s throw in “bitch”:
      1    the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals
      2 a.a lewd or immoral woman
         b a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse

Just as the bible says “faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God”, it’s not a stretch of the imagination to realize that what we hear affects us.  Now is the time for someone to proclaim “we shouldn’t be worrying about what other people say about or think of us.” I will take this time to say that I concur!  The deeper problem, however, is that we used to (rightly so) be offended by being referenced as a “bitch”.  The reason is because it is, first and foremost, the definition of a female dog.  Now, we embrace the term as if it is the epitome of womanhood—a clarion call of “fierceness”.  Now, we hear terms and phrases such as “that’s right, I’m a bitch-recognize it!”, “I’m (or you are) a bad bitch”, and a myriad of others combinations that tells us it’s okay to be such because it’s acceptable slang.  I’m guessing the same to be true for the “N-word”.

Over the years, Black women have been depicted with callous degradation in music videos, movies, and the media.   The late 80s and early 90s brought rump shaking and half naked images “dancing” in rap videos—bringing us the “video vixen”.  As a result, we’ve come to accept and own the fact that our men see us as a means to an end and nothing more.  The term “bitch” has been so ingrained into our psyches that we feel proud to identify as one. The late Dr. Frances Cress Welsing quoted “We’re the only people on this entire planet who have been taught to sing and praise our demeanment. ‘I’m a bitch. I’m a hoe. I’m a gangster. I’m a thug. I’m a dog.’ If you can train people to demean and degrade themselves, you can oppress them forever. You can even program them to kill themselves and they won’t even understand what happened.”  It’s a safe bet to say that the seed has been successfully planted.

Some of our African American men (and women) have slowly stripped away our identity as women.  Perhaps, in their effort to wax intelligence and coolness, they began referring to the Black woman as “female”.  What this has done is remove yet another layer of our womanhood and further created an atmosphere for them to continue to disrespect us.  So, we’ve divagated from being a woman –or “lady” (or even “babe”)—to bitch “female dog” (an animal), to now simply “female”.  Female being the definition of anything that can give birth – a dog/cat, elephant, or a cockroach. There is no identity to referring to black women as females.  It’s one thing to use it as a true descriptor –i.e. “the candidate is female”, “a female officer”—and quite another to use it as a substitute to describe a female person when the sex is already known—i.e. woman or lady.

How can our community rise and bridge a cohesive unified existence when it continues to strip away our identity?  Sure, there’s a “King and Queen” movement going on in the Hotep community.  Its purpose is to remind us that we are descendants of kings and queens.  But the truth of the matter is, that is not enough.  Not all people of African descent were royalty so that is an unrealistic terminology.  Not only that, but there is still no respect because our “kings” are still referring to us as “females”.  We are not being treated with the respect that one would expect as a queen.  We seem to relish in titles and labels that serve no purpose other than to cause more division in the community. It overshadows our basic identities as human beings.  That is, for women of color it does. We must change the language and steer towards a more respectful conversation.

The relationship between Black men and women must be repaired so we can effectively raise strong and healthy children.  I feel that our language regarding one another must change so we can reverse the ever-widening chasm between us.  As black women, we must stop accepting mediocre treatment and reject language that denigrates us.  We are not “females”.  We are women.

Advertisements

Get Out of The Rut: The Character Resume

Resume_Of_Your_Character

Sometimes we go through life in a rut and don’t even realize we are in it.  One day, we become aware that something isn’t quite right but yet, we can’t seem to put a finger on why. Not realizing that there is a “second” resume on the table– one of character and integrity.  This particular resume erodes the trust and respect of friends and loved ones and undermines our potential for success.  It’s the measure of who we are as human beings as it relates to how we treat others and respect ourselves.. What it is not  is the typical life errors and mistakes that make us perfectly imperfect and human. Sadly,we live day-to-day without knowing this is the self-destructive road on which we travel. Sometimes we need to actually read this resume in order for it to resonate.

But there is good news. There is a way out.  First, we have to accept personal responsibility for our actions and become determined to make a change.  But before that can happen, truth and self awareness must come into play.  It is time to rewrite the “life resume” we have so unwittingly crafted.  Different from an employment resume, this life resume encompasses behaviors and irrational beliefs that hinder personal maturity and growth. Second, once we have acknowledged the existence of this resume, we begin to seek ways to repair the damage. It’s not easy but then nothing worthy of gaining comes “easy”.  If your “life resume” remotely resembles this, then it is time to self reflect.

Character Lacking

1120 Integrity Way

Distrust, IL 90321

Objective:  To enhance current skills while increasing sense of entitlement.  Willing to not take responsibility for my actions, blame others for my problems, and avoid all opportunities to have a viable and successful future, while manipulating those who love me and are willing to give me a free ride.  Forever tethered to people who have no concern for my life, I have no intention of making changes that will set me on a self-sufficient path.  Seeking those who will elevate my current lifestyle, cosign the negativity in my life, all while stroking my ego and helping me to get nowhere in life.

2013  Child Support Evasion, Location Irrelevant

Charismatic and charming

Multiple “people creation” skills current count: unknown

Avoidance expert

Party enhancement supplies

Anger management expert

Female/male abuse expert

2010  Possession of stolen items, Location Irrelevant

Spent 8 years ‘abroad’ and learned new techniques

Excellent detection avoidance systems and analysis skills

Adapts to unexpected situations such as drop and flee

Experience in resale retail

1999  Gun possession by felon, Location Irrelevant

Expert at weapons concealment

Weapons purchase and resale

Can fire at multiple targets with 10% accuracy

1998   Drug possession with intent to sell, Location Irrelevant

Promoted to sales

Customer service oriented—delivered day and night

Top seller in crew (er, distribution department)

Excellent officer detection skills

1996  Burglary, Location Irrelevant

Lock expert

Keen sight – look out expert

Escapes detection with ease

Salesman of the month

1995  Drug possession, Location Irrelevant

Carried drugs upon person in order to get high

Well versed in lighting and inhaling, snorting, and needle work

Alcohol extraction expert

EDUCATION

         Unimportant

HOBBIES

          Running (er, jogging)

Skills

Weapons, stealth, Facebook and Instagram, fashion, feigning innocence, alcohol inducement, People making, partying, finger work (“throwing those signs”), and manipulation

References

          …?  Holla back?